Being with a Man Who’s Already Involved in a Relationship

Contrary to popular belief, a lot of women are involved with men that are either married or in a committed relationship. As wrong as this may seem, it’s more common than not.

This article is coming from a perspective that you are having a tough time in this kind of situation.  You are wondering if you should stay or leave the relationship or if he’s ever going to want to be with just you.  You may also feel, you are doing everything you can to make him happy but not understanding why it isn’t enough. So we will address those issues.

For whatever reason you are with a man who is in a relationship with someone else, there are somethings you need to keep in mind and somethings you need to keep under control as we’ll discuss.

Blog Three heartsOne thing you definitely have to be mindful of is , with all your efforts to try to make the relationship feel like it’s just you and him, you will never get a sense of total satisfaction. You’ll have to understand that you are in fact the other woman, and being the other woman can come with it share of ups and downs.

You have to remember too, that before you came along he was already with his wife or current girlfriend. He’s created history and time with the person he is involved with and you can’t erase that or make him forget that. So don’t try to compete with his relationship. You won’t win at the compete game. You can only win in a sense, by being the sexy, no stress, no drama other woman.  With that being said, this still doesn’t erase the history or time he’s already put in with his wife or girlfriend before you came along. So, don’t fall into the trap thinking that this is all that’s needed to make him want to give all his attention to you and/or leave his relationship.

I say don’t fall into the trap  because a man that has no plans on leaving his wife or girlfriend, “ain’t” leaving his situation no matter how sexy and good you are to him.  You’ll just get more frustrated when you don’t see your efforts going anywhere with him.

Situations like this have to be nipped in the bud early, really. If his actions say he’s not leaving his current relationship anytime soon, you’ll need to decide on one or two things; Deal with it or let it go. No ultimatums. Most times, that will never result in a happy ending. You want someone to come to you because they love you enough to do so, not because you threatened them with leaving. When things are done out of love, it’s real. Love can only exist in a real situation. Everything else is destined for doom.

Honestly though, you can’t be in a relationship with someone like this then say it’s not right or you are not getting out of it what you deserve. If you choose to stay in the relationship knowing he is already involved you are in fact telling him , he doesn’t have to leave because obviously you are going to be around regardless. Also if you choose to stay in a relationship with a man who is involved, then you also choose to take the good as well as the low blows  and disappointments that come with it.

Yes, it can be hard to control your feelings when you feel you are not getting all you deserve. But again, if you choose to stick it out then you’ll have to learn to control your emotions when things are not in your favor. You can’t blame him for lonely nights, or times when he has to be at home with her and not with you. Because at the end of the day, you have chosen to be someone who’s  in a relationship with someone else.

I’ve heard some women say “He didn’t tell me when we met he was involved”.  For lot of women this is what they fall back on and use as the excuse or reason as to why they are choosing to still be in the relationship.

However, whether you knew up front about his current relationship or not, what matters is what you do after you find out. Do you stay? Do you leave? Do you talk to him to find out what he’s going to do? At this point you have to decide what is best for you.

You can spend years with a man that’s says he’s going to leave his relationship or going to get a divorce to be with you. Really, if you are hanging around for years waiting on him to end his relationship, he’s got you in a really bad position. Because you are not getting younger during these years,  you could be missing out on what could be the right relationship for you elsewhere. You can’t get the lost years back.  You need to act “quick”.  I mean I can give you a year or even two years of trying to tackle the waiting game, but to wait for years and years with no clear answer as to if he’s leaving his relationship is madness.  You really need to understand what you are giving up to wait. Ask yourself is it worth it or not?

Then too, you don’t want him to just up and leave his situation for you, because this only speaks of the kind of person he could be to you. He should be leaving his current relationship because he truly feels he has no love for it and he is ready in his heart to leave. He’s not leaving for you, he’s leaving because it’s something he would have done even if you were not in the picture. Never ask a man to leave his wife or girlfriend for you. That’s not how you want him to come to you. That is a recipe for disaster.

In conclusion, find out how your man feels about his relationship and what his true intentions are. Then compare that to his actions so you can decide honestly within your heart what you need to do.

Only you know the truth about what is REALLY going on with the man you are seeing. You’ll have to decide on what is best for you and what you are able to handle….. Because it will take a very strong woman mentally in all areas to be in a relationship with a man that is involved with someone else. If you are not mentally strong, if you do not have high self esteem, if you are not strong period, it may be tough for you to handle a relationship of this nature.  That’s real talk.

Understand what you can handle and what you are willing to deal with. If you don’t like sharing your man or if you like exclusiveness this kind of relationship may not be for you. You will find yourself stirring up a lot of emotions that will effect the relationship negatively. But the choice is yours. Ultimately it’s up to you, you control your destiny. Choose wisely.

You may also want to read: He Says He Wants to be with Me, Why Won’t He Leave His Girlfriend? 

Side Bar:

If you are involved with a married man or a man with a girlfriend always be safe as possible. It can get sticky physically and/or mentally if you are discovered. Understand your risks and what kind of people you are dealing with. Eyes open at all times.

Become the Woman Men Adore


Relationship Advice Article Written by Candace Harrison


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