Is your man telling you he’s afraid of commitment? Does it appear he’s sending mixed signals about wanting to be in a relationship with you? He could have commitment phobia! Here’s an article to help you understand what’s going on with your man.
Here’s a topic that can be very confusing. You are dating a guy that says he loves you (likes you), but he says he’s “afraid of commitment”. Either he’s saying he’s afraid of being hurt again or he just got out of a relationship or he just simply isn’t ready to commit.
Whenever I hear a man say he’s “afraid of commitment” the first thing that comes to my mind is “what are you afraid of”. I mean if 2 people are sleeping together, dating, involved in each others lives, and putting a “lock” on each other what’s the difference between being committed and not being committed? There is none except that when your committed you have to give up all the other stuff in your life that is keeping you from being committed in the first place.
So what is commitment phobia all about?
Some men that are “afraid of commitment” fear letting go other parts of their life that they are not ready to let go. For men just getting out of a relationship, this could be letting go of pursuing his ex or letting go of his feelings for her. For those men with close female friends, it could be not wanting to let them go or tell them he has a girlfriend now. Not always necessarily he has sexual relations with these other women, but he doesn’t want to lose their admiration.
For the man that is afraid of commitment for fear of being hurt again, is another statement I have never come to understand fully. I mean does he really think there is such a relationship where some level of hurt will not exist? Even if you believe a woman is 150% right for you, doesn’t mean that she can’t or won’t hurt you. This is life and no one and no relationship is perfect. For some reason , when I hear my clients say their man is afraid of being hurt again, to me, that means there is something going on his life that makes him not willing to take that risk. Either he doesn’t “love” you enough or he has some distractions.
I say this because , I’m almost sure If I sent Halle Berry to his door and told her to tell him she wanted to pursue him, he’d be willing to risk “being hurt again”. What I’m saying is men will risk “being hurt” if they really want to. They know being hurt is something that can’t be avoided unless they give up women and relationships all together. To say you’re afraid of commitment or afraid of being hurt again, yet be with a woman as if you were in a relationship, just shows he’s not that afraid. To me it looks like somebody wants all the benefits of a relationship but none of the responsibility. Something to think about.
Commitment Phobia – What Does It All Really Mean?
Am I saying when a man says he’s “afraid of commitment” he is just using it as an excuse? Well, Yes and No. As a woman you need to really take a look at whats going on in your man’s life and look at how he treats you to understand if it sounds more like an excuse or not. If a man has commitment phobia getting to the root cause will tell you what his fear is really about.
Let me explain what I mean……
If he’s making you the focal point of his life, treats you with respect, loves you, and doesn’t have any outside distractions possibly he’s trying to get passed being “afraid of commitment”. For Example: Possibly his fear is simply being afraid of disappointing you. Men like to think their woman thinks of them as “superman” and letting you in his life will allow you to see he’s really an average Joe with an average life with an average income. Maybe the resume he used to impress you isn’t as exciting as you believe it is. So slowly he’s letting you in his average life at a pace that is comfortable for him.
On another note, if he’s very casual about the relationship, doesn’t seem to put in much effort, seems to do more receiving than giving, and has a lot of outside distractions then possibly he’s not trying to get pass being “afraid of commitment” and using it as an excuse to keep enjoying the lifestyle he wants. Men like this usually have a larger than life resume they have presented you with. They know you will never get into their life deep enough to find out his resume has been terribly inflated.
My thought is a man that loves you is ready to give up all distractions in his life and he doesn’t want to risk losing you by allowing you to wonder around single for another man to get. He has no fear about loving you. When a man truly loves you, he wants to be committed to you, not only now, but in the future as well.
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Article by Candace Harrison