Is your man telling you he’s afraid of commitment? Does it appear he’s sending mixed signals about wanting to be in a relationship with you? He could have commitment phobia! Here’s an article to help you understand what’s going on with your man.
Here’s a topic that can be very confusing. You are dating a guy that says he loves you (likes you), but he says he’s “afraid of commitment”, aka Commitment Phobia. Either he’s saying he’s afraid of being hurt again or he just got out of a relationship or he just simply isn’t ready to commit.
If your man is telling you he’s Afraid to commit ….
My first question to you is:
1. Does it look like the 2 of you are in a relationship?-are you spending time together, sleeping together, he only wants you to see him..etc?
My second question :
2. Does he allow you to give of yourself as though you were his girlfriend?
If You Answered NO
If you answered NO to both questions then possibly he isn’t looking to be in a relationship with you right now. He isn’t trying to reap all the benefits of a relationship, while not having to commit to you. I’m sure you heard the saying “Why buy the cow, when you can get the milk for free”. If you answered no, then possibly he’s not looking for “free milk” from you.
Your best bet in this instance should be to back off and not pressure him or continue to ask him about a commitment as this will only push him away.
If you are into him and want him to “come around” and get over his commitment phobia, he will need to naturally get to this point. He will need to enjoy time spent with you without feeling stressed. He needs to feel that he can be with you and not be pressured. Your natural beauty, great personality, respect for the friendship will be what wins him over should he really be interested in pursuing you.
My advice is not to give too much of yourself to him. In other words, don’t make yourself his “girlfriend” when it’s clear you are not. Don’t expect things that a girlfriend would, from him. You will only find yourself disappointed when these “things” you expect never show up with him.
You should take a look at this post: signs of love to get an understanding of the direction he could be headed in with you. How he treats you will give you a good indication as to if he’s looking to be with you or not. Just because he’s charming and lovey dovey with you doesn’t mean it’s love. Last thing you want to do is waste your time with someone who’s not into you. But on the other hand, if he’s showing signs of love, it could be worth the time invested if the friendship is headed in the right direction.
If You Answered YES
If you answered yes to these questions then possibly he’s looking to reap the benefits of a relationship without having to commit to you. Thus the saying “why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free” rules. He’s possibly looking to get all the “free milk” he can from you.
If he allows you to be in his life and do the things that a girlfriend would, he’s really sending mixed signals. Things like: not seeing other men, cooking for him, cleaning for him, giving him money, putting him first, buying him expensive gifts, letting him stay with you, letting him use your car, giving him access to your life, and fulfilling his sexual needs are signs of being in a relationship. And if he’s accepting these things yet not wanting to be in a committed relationship with you, this should send up big red flag. Rightfully you should be confused. And.. It becomes even more confusing when he “appears to love you”.
Often men that know they are in a relationship for a short ride will try to appear overly loving. They know they won’t have to exert this energy long. To the unsuspecting woman this “overly loving attitude” can make her more confused as to why he won’t commit. However, there’s one major problem with this fake love. It’s often about more words than actions.
You should take a look at this post: How Do I Know if he Loves me. This post will help you detect real love from fake love. Just because he’s charming at times and being lovey dovey with you doesn’t mean its love. Last thing you want to do is waste your time with someone who’s not into you. But on the other hand, if he’s showing signs he loves you, it could be worth the time invested if the friendship is headed in the right direction.
The Honest Truth About Being “Afraid of Commitment” or
Whenever I hear a man say he’s “afraid of commitment” the first thing that comes to my mind is “what are you afraid of”. I mean if 2 people are sleeping together, dating, involved in each others lives, and putting a “lock” on each other what’s the difference between being committed and not being committed? There is none except that when your committed you have to give up all the other stuff in your life that is keeping you from being committed in the first place. So what is commitment phobia all about?
Some men that are “afraid of commitment” fear letting go other parts of their life that they are not ready to let go. For men just getting out of a relationship, this could be letting go of pursuing his ex or letting go of his feelings for her. For those men with close female friends, it could be not wanting to let them go or tell them he has a girlfriend now. Not always necessarily he has sexual relations with these other women, that he has a fear of letting them go.
For the man that is afraid of commitment for fear of being hurt again, is another statement I have never come to understand fully. I mean does he really think there is such a relationship where some level of hurt will not exist? Even if you believe a woman is 150% right for you, doesn’t mean that she can’t or won’t hurt you. This is life and no one and no relationship is perfect. For some reason , when I hear my clients say their man is afraid of being hurt again, to me, that means there is something going on his life that makes him not willing to take that risk. Either he doesn’t “love” you enough or he has some distractions.
I bet If I sent Halle Berry to his door and told her to tell him she wanted to pursue him, he’d be willing to risk “being hurt again”. What I’m saying is men will risk “being hurt” if they really want to. They know being hurt is something that can’t be avoided unless they give up women all together. To say you’re afraid of commitment or afraid of being hurt again , yet be willing to sleep with a woman, go out on dates with her, just shows he’s not that afraid. Something to think about.
Keep in mind a man can have commitment phobia for many reasons. Other reasons could include but not limited to: Not wanting to give up weird bad habits, not wanting to be responsible or accountable to anyone, plain lazy, not wanting to give up the ability to come and go as please, fear of telling you about past cosmetic operations and fear of disappointing you.
Commitment Phobia – What Does It All Really Mean?
Am I saying when a man says he’s “afraid of commitment” he is just using it as an excuse? Well, Yes and No. As a woman you need to really take a look at whats going on in your man’s life and look at how he treats you. If a man has commitment phobia getting to the root cause will tell you what his fear is really about.
If he’s making you the focal point of his life, treats you with respect, loves you, and doesn’t have any outside distractions possibly he’s trying to get passed being “afraid of commitment” in it’s true sense. For Example: Possibly his fear is simply being afraid of disappointing you. Men like to think their woman thinks of them as “all that” or “superman” and letting you in his life will allow you to see he’s really an average Joe with an average life with an average income. Maybe the resume he used to impress you isn’t as exciting as you believe it is. While you probably don’t care as you love him very much, it’s a big issue for him as he doesn’t want you to think less of him.
However if he’s very casual about the relationship, doesn’t seem to put in much effort, seems to do more receiving than giving, and has a lot of outside distractions then possibly he’s not trying to get pass being “afraid of commitment” and using it as an excuse to keep getting his “milk for free” while enjoying the lifestyle he wants. Men like this usually have a larger than life resume they have presented you with. They know you will never get into his life long enough or deep enough to find out his resume has been terribly over inflated.
My thought is a man that loves you is ready to give up all distractions in his life and he doesn’t want to risk losing you by allowing you to wonder around single for another man to get. He has no fear about loving you. When a man truly loves you, he wants to be committed to you, not only now, but in the future as well.
What do you think about Commitment Phobia… Post a Comment for others to enjoy and learn from.
Article by Candace Harrison