Why is My Boyfriend So Mean? – 6 Reasons Why
Do you find yourself asking “why is my boyfriend so mean to me?”
If your partner is mean to you, then surely there is a problem. I say this because there really isn’t a reason to treat anyone mean that loves you and would do anything for you.
I’m sure you love your man and try your best to make him happy. So him being mean to you, must mean something isn’t registering with him about the love you are giving him. Either he doesn’t appreciate your love, he doesn’t want your love or something is going on with him that needs to be corrected.
Common Reasons Your Boyfriend is Mean to You:
1. He hasn’t began to truly love you
2. He’s jealous of you
3. He not satisfied with his own life
4. He’s heavily using drugs and alcohol
5. He doesn’t like you
6. Has an Anger Management Problem
Now let’s take a look at each of these in detail, so you can understand what I mean…
1. He hasn’t began to truly love you – Part of loving you is respecting you and caring for you. Loving you is not wanting to hurt you. When True Love is present, being mean to you is out of the question. Granted, if there is an argument or disagreement he may appear “mean” but he will offer an apology for his actions as everyone can get a little heated. But to be mean to you on a daily basis without reason, without apology is not what love is about. If you feel unloved from his meanness, he’s got loving you all wrong.
2. He’s jealous of you – Sometimes your man can be mean to you out of jealousy. Maybe you are doing a lot better than him financially. Maybe you are the one that pays for dinner, handles most of the bills or you give him money to help him out. Being mean to you is his way of trying to make you feel beneath him. Some men that use this tactic are not happy with their own lives and will try to pull a woman down that is “happy” about her life out of pure jealousy. Sometimes this can be linked to having low self-esteem. Being mean is a cover up for ones own dissatisfaction they may feel about themselves and where they are at in life.
3. He’s not happy with his own life – If he’s not happy with his own life, financial situation, career, business, family life.. etc. He may be mad at the world. His being mean is a way to cover up all that is going on and all that he is holding inside. When a man carries a lot of bottled up emotions that they don’t talk about it can make him very angry and irritable even at the smallest things you do. Even when you are just trying to do a good deed, he will still be mean to you. Holding in a lot of aggression and tension that really needs to come out will make a person very mean, hard to talk to and hard to deal with.
4. He uses drugs and alcohol heavily – If we take #1 – #3 that we discussed above and add drugs and alcohol to the mix all these things become elevated. However, drug and alcohol use can change a person making them very inconsistent in their behavior. One day they are nice, one day they’re mean and one day they don’t care about anything. It’s like you are dealing with 5 different people sometimes. It becomes even more difficult to deal with a mean person when drugs and alcohol are involved.
5. He doesn’t like you – Unfortunately when a man has emotionally left the relationship and he has his eyes set on other things he can become mean. In this case, being mean is a way of showing he doesn’t care about the relationship or you. If you feel, the two of you have no romantic connection and their is no sign of a good friendship, then you’ll need to rethink your relationship with him. True, this isn’t how you should handle such a situation, but some men do this.
6. He has an anger management problem – Some people are truly angry and this could be for some reasons listed above or not. However, they can not control their anger. They blow up at the smallest things and they blow up at those that show them the most love. When you feel there’s no reason to be upset, they will feel they have every reason to be upset. Sometimes, men in this situation realize there is a problem and at times they will try to control their anger but find they can not.
My boyfriend is Mean to me – What Should I Do?
When a man loves you at times he could be mean. We are all human. However, he realizes when he was mean and apologizes and tries to make you feel better. He may try to make you smile, buy you a gift, take you out, call you on the phone or text you. He’ll try to make it right. He won’t let you go through the day or night being hurt by his actions.
When your boyfriend is mean to you always without reason and without apology all the time, you have reason to be concerned. If you are putting forth your best to be a good woman, then no way you deserve to be treated this way.
If your boyfriend is mean to you, it is up to you whether or not you want to deal with it. If you choose to deal with it understand it’s a rough road to travel. You may find yourself feeling unloved a lot more than you like.
If you choose not to deal with it, that doesn’t mean you have to leave the relationship. Perhaps you can lovingly talk with your partner to get him to open up about why he’s so mean to you. Maybe it’s something that the two of you can work out together. Some men, know they are mean and are open to help because they love you and don’t want to lose you. The problem comes and tough decisions are to be made, however, when he’s not open to help or change.
I always suggest you try a fix before you abandon your relationship, especially if you feel you love him and he loves you. Because that is what love is all about. When you love someone, you reach out and help them. You don’t leave them in a state you know is no good for them. Taking anger management classes, allowing him to feel he can express all he’s feeling inside and couples counseling are just some of the things the two of you can do together to make the relationship better.
Sometimes couples take for granted that good relationships just happen. Actually, that’s far from the truth. Good relationships are worked at constantly and consistently. It takes two people working together and communicating that builds a strong relationship that will last.
A final thought on your question “why is my boyfriend so mean”
When trying to figure out what is going on with him, you should always take a look at yourself too. If you recognize there is a “problem” he has, he’ll probably feel the same about you. Sometimes women can unknowingly aggravate a situation. So never put all the blame on him. Fight fair. If he’s willing to listen and make changes so should you. It’s called compromise.
BUT ….If all fails in your efforts to make things work, and he wants to continue to disrespect you with meanness, then be real with yourself. You deserve better and should never settle for less. There is always a bigger fish in the sea. Maybe he’ll enjoy just being a friend and not someone you call your Man & Lover.
Article by Candace Harrison
I hope this article has helped you answer the question “Why is My Boyfriend So Mean”