Why won’t he leave his Girlfriend? Well lets back up just a little before we discuss that. Lets talk about you- the other woman. I’m sure you heard to be the other woman is taboo. The other woman is considered to be a tramp, not worthy of anything good, a home wrecker..etc. etc. etc. However, some good women actually get caught up in being the other woman. The other woman is not always a “tramp”. If we weren’t so angry at them, we’d see most are loving friends, sisters, aunts, and mothers.
This relationship advice article is for the woman who is actually a good woman at heart and somehow got herself involved and caught up with a man that isn’t available. Either he has a girlfriend or is married. You were told a story about him needing to get out of his relationship and how you are what he needs. He’s asking you to be patient and give him time to work it out, he’s going to get out of his situation soon. Despite what he’s saying you’re really not sure if he’s going to leave his girlfriend out of unhappiness, troubles and despair and need help figuring out what’s going on. Because this topic can go broad, I have narrowed this article down to this group of women mentioned above.
While I don’t advocate being the other woman, I know sometimes it happens that way for us women. This is apart of life, and it will continue to be. So we have to deal with it just like we deal with everything else, so let me set the record straight on this before going into my spill here. With that being said, let’s talk about why you are reading this article in the first place…..some relationship advice
How Can I tell if he’s Really Going to Leave
If you are seeing a man that says he is unhappy with his current relationship and going to leave it, if this is a true statement, this is what he’s really going to do. He’s not going to say this for months or let it drag on for years.
A man that tells you he’s leaving his current relationship will start the process as soon as he makes you aware of it. It will all start by talking things out with his current girlfriend. He will make it known what his intentions are to his soon to be “ex”. Then he’s looking to find common ground with his girlfriend so they can agree that this parting is a mutual decision as the relationship is “troubled”. They may not agree, but he’s looking to get out in the most tactful way possible. He starts to not spend much time with his current girlfriend, he takes her calls in front of you now and lets you “listen in”, he’s moved out of the home they live in, he’s not letting the ex interrupt his life with you anymore, he’s discussing his relationship challenges with you, and he’s making you the forefront of his life now. He really looks like he is making efforts to leave his relationship and be with you. All the signs are obvious, you know and you feel he’s trying.
Another thing he may do, which can feel a little tricky and throw you for a loop, is ask for a little time to get over his relationship. A man truly looking to move on really does need time and space to himself so that he can clear his mind of the past and come to you whole hearted and give his undivided attention to you.
*Relationship advice Side note:
Beware of the man that abruptly leaves his relationship to be with you. This is a sign of a man who doesn’t care if he hurts you or not. He may have a problem with jumping from one relationship to another when he gets tired of being with you. It’s how he does things that makes all the difference in the world. If he’s being tactful and trying to work through parting ways with his girlfriend, he’s doing the right thing.
On the other hand, a man that is still spending a lot of time with his girlfriend, still lives with her, takes her calls privately when you are around, remains sneaky about being with you, still reporting in, still lying to her about his outside affairs, and allows her to interrupt his time with you is a man not preparing to leave his current relationship. He’s making it obvious to both you and his girlfriend he’s not going anywhere soon. His actions look like “I haven’t told her I’m leaving yet”. If he did tell her, he didn’t say it in such a way he really meant it. To you, it has to be obvious that he is in fact preparing to leave his current relationship. Actions speak louder than words.
He Says He’s In Love with Me, Then Why Won’t He Leave His Girlfriend?
Even if a man claims to “love” you that doesn’t mean he’s going to up and leave his current relationship because he could “love” his girlfriend too. Perhaps he’s been in the current relationship so long he has a hard time letting go of it. More on this in a few.
A man that has an outside affair is a man that likes to ” have his cake and eat it too”. Some folks may beg to differ on this. They may say he may not be happy at home, his mate denies him sex. If this is the case, I say end the relationship and be fair. There is never a good reason to cheat.
A man that likes to “have his cake and eat it to” is a man that: likes variety, likes the sneak factor, likes the high of the challenge, likes getting what he may not get at home, and likes the “thrill” of it all. Not to mention, he gets a self esteem boost from having someone want him. He wants variety in his life, but doesn’t want his current girlfriend to have variety. Some men can’t imagine their long term girlfriend with anyone else, so they have a hard time letting go even if they are unhappy. The thought of his girlfriend being with someone else is devastating. So in lei of going through a heartache from her being with another man, they rather stay in the relationship not totally happy to keep her from being with someone else.
A man could also be emotionally attached to his girlfriend for various reason, such as the girlfriend did a lot for him or helped him through troubled times. This could also make leaving harder to do also.
Am I Not Good Enough For Him?
It’s not that you are not good enough or else he wouldn’t be with you at all. It’s just that the current girlfriend is like “family”. He loves her even if it’s not hot and spicy love. It’s still love. It’s the time being with this person he’s attached to. He’s comfortable and safe with his current relationship. He feels his girlfriend is a sure thing and everything else is pretty much a gamble. He feels after all games have been played, even if his outside affair works-out or not, he can always return home to his “sure thing” without feeling he’s lost anything.
Sometimes, men out fear of losing the “other woman” will make the other woman feel he’s “thinking” about leaving his relationship to be with her. This gives the “other woman” a “sure” feeling of being special, being the object of his affection, and making her feel he only desires her. A man that can get a woman thinking this way feels he is taking away the “bad taste” the “other woman” has about him being with his girlfriend as the other woman now feels he really doesn’t care about his girlfriend. Meanwhile he can behind the scenes maintain a wholesome relationship with his girlfriend without the other woman feeling/seeing he’s trying to have his cake and eat it too.
Relationship Advice side Note:
I’m going to keep it real here too. He may say he love you , but on top of all else discussed here, if he feels his girlfriend has something that you don’t, that he benefits from, (like money), the task of leaving his girlfriend for you becomes more challenging for him.
Are you good enough? Sure you are. If he didn’t have a girlfriend, more than likely he’d be with you. But when he’s challenged with his feelings and any benefits from his current relationship, leaving it is not easy to do no matter what he tells you. You are good enough. You just came into his life too late in the game , that ‘s all.
Why won’t he leave his girlfriend – I don’t know what to do
If you are asking your self ” why wont he leave his girlfriend for you” then obviously you have reason to think he’s not leaving his current relationship anytime soon. If you stuck around for the “wait and see” and it’s been a year. I can give you that. Cudo’s to you for sticking it out because I know that wasn’t easy. But once you get into the 2nd and 3rd year of hearing the same ole’ line, you can really only blame yourself for any wrong you feel about this. A man will do and go as far as you allow him. If he can have his spicy variety other woman and his girlfriend for the next 20 years , he’ll do that if you allow it or If you keep accepting the stories he gives about why he hasn’t left his so called troubled relationship.
Sure he “loves” you. And I use the word love loose here because LOVE is something special. If he loved you , he’d be with only you. But because there is the girlfriend in the picture you will never enjoy feeling 100% loved. Neither will you know how much he “loves” you until something jeopardizes his current relationship.
Let me explain this, with this example:
His current girlfriend finds out about you and he is caught cheating. How he deals with being caught when this all hits the fan will tell you how much his “love” is worth. If he begs his girlfriend for forgiveness and promises to leave you alone, you know he’s definitely not leaving her and his love isn’t worth 2 cents. If he fesses up about wanting out of the relationship and takes this open door opportunity to be with you and leave the current relationship he could really care about you.
Let’s go a little deeper now and think about all we’ve discussed here in this article…..
Would you really want a man to leave his girlfriend for you. I mean if he does this, don’t you think he just might do it to you too? Something to think about isn’t it? If you have to ask him about leaving his current relationship, something is not right. And maybe it’s not right for you to ask him to leave his girlfriend for you, I mean, think of the girlfriend, put yourself in her shoes. Sometimes you will need to ask yourself, “Should I leave the relationship if this man is already involved and has no intentions on leaving his girlfriend soon?”
In a situation like this you have to decide if you want to settle for being the other woman or if you want more. If you settle, you make the most out of the time you have with him and stop complaining about his girlfriend. If you want more than what he can offer you, start looking for your own man you can have 100% of. It’s really just like that. Just keep in mind, should you decide to be with a man that clearly is not making any arrangements to leave his relationship, you are now really the other woman with someone else’s man, as you know “what time it is” sister. You may wind up being short changed and broken hearted more than you like to be. Real talk here. I Can’t give you any better Relationship Advice than this.
Understandably, you may have your feelings wrapped up in this and leaving him alone is hard to do. It’s always easier said than done. Only you know how long he’s being saying he’s going to leave his current relationship and what you two share. Use your head and not your heart to understand and look for the signs that tell you what he’s really up to.
A man that loves you and really wants to be with you will do just that without you asking him to do it. He will realize his current relationship is not for him anymore, he’s not happy, he wants his current girlfriend to move on. He’s done with the relationship, he’s done all he could to make it work, he’s had the time needed to get pass things. He’s D-O-N-E and ready to start a life with you. He will make this move with his heart and with his head. You’ll know he’s leaving his relationship and coming to you, because it will be obviously clear to you beyond a shadow of a doubt.
Why Do You Think He Won’t Leave His Girlfriend?
Leave a comment, tell us your thoughts…
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