I don’t feel I can Trust Him – Relationship Advice

Relationship AdviceIf you are feeling like you simply can not trust your man. Then I ask, what makes you stay in the relationship where there’s no trust?

Trust is the foundation of every relationship, without it you have nothing. But, unfortunately, a lot of women stay in relationships where trust is lacking because they feel they love him too much to let go.

Even though it seems no matter what he says or does is never the complete truth, a lot of women believe their relationship can survive if they can just get him to be honest. But can he really be honest? Can you really ever trust him?

Before we answer these questions, Let’s take a look at 2 things that could be causing the distrust you have in him:

1. Is the Distrust Caused by You?

Trust isn’t always about what he’s doing. Having a lack of trust can develop from things you know YOU are doing wrong. To yourself you think, If I’m doing it, I wonder if he’s doing it too.

If your ex is calling you, for example,  and you stay in the car a little longer to talk to your ex, then erase his phone number from your call log and wipe out all his texts before you get out the car, you’re going to wonder if your man could be doing the same with his ex. You can get very paranoid, and at times wrongfully accuse him of doing things because it “looks” like what you’ve been doing. For example, if he’s takes a little longer than usual to get out of his car, you might accuse him of being on the phone with his ex when he wasn’t.

If you have been doing things not so squeaky clean, then you’ll need to stop what your doing to help you get over your paranoia.  It’s very important to understand where the distrust is coming from.

2. Is it him causing the distrust?

On the other hand, if he’s done something in the past that made you lose trust, there is good reason you have a trust issue with him. In this case, you won’t get past the trust issue if the 2 of you are not working together to get past whatever happened. The 2 of you need a game plan on how things will be done in order to make you feel you can trust him.

For instance, if he’s hanging out with single friends that caused the distrust issue, maybe you 2 would agree on him hanging with friends with girlfriends/wives where it’s more of a couples outing.

No, you don’t want to deprive him of his man time with friends. But it’s who he chooses to hang out with that makes you feel comfortable and keeps him on a straight and narrow path. If  your man’s friend, Jon,  is single and likes to go out chasing the ladies, that may not be the right person for your man to hang out with.

Another example could be in the past he kept his cell phone locked due to seeing another woman. If he still keeps his cell phone locked then naturally you’ll feel skeptical. So if there’s nothing to hide, why not the both of you give each other your cell phone passcode?

And, just as a side note, this doesn’t mean you have a field day going through his phone. This means you believe he has nothing to hide because he was willing to give you the passcode. 

When trust is an issue you can’t work on it alone. Some women try to work through it alone without any involvement from their significant other. I’m here to tell you , you need his help.  And if he’s wanting your trust again, he’ll do what it takes to regain it.

When you can’t trust your man due to reasons he’s caused, the biggest factor in determining if he’s willing to mend and heal the distrust, is his openness to changing how he’s been doing things.  If he’s not open to doing anything differently, he’s telling you in a sense, he’s open for more of the same “ole” stuff that got him in trouble in the first place.

Trusting Him Again

Men in this position often will argue they won’t let what ever they did happen again. But it takes more than just saying it. It’s about the two of your working together and doing your parts to ensure it doesn’t happen again. Words are just that, words. But actions tell the truth.

A man that loves you and sincere about being sorry, won’t put himself in a position to be tempted to wrong you again.

Let me explain:

Let’s say he’s at work and he needs to have a meeting with the nice looking secretary down the hall after work.  He’ll have that meeting in a public location, not in a hotel room where things can go wrong.

People can often time set themselves up for failure. If you are meeting  someone for lunch, there’s no need to have lunch in a hotel room unless you want a chance at something happening.

You can’t say you made a mistake by sleeping with your lunch date if you set it up in a hotel room.  Clearly you put yourself in a position for that to happen.  Are you following me here?

Not to say he won’t ever be tempted just from life’s events,  it’s the EFFORT he puts into not being tempted that makes the difference.

Some men get a little hot headed at times, when you ask them to hang out with different friends, or to unlock cell phones or even to come home at a decent hour. Hot headed men,  can be problematic men.  A man that wants to make you happy, please you, and don’t want to lose you will make some changes…at least the ones that’s in his control.  He’ll do it not because you asked, but because he knows its the right thing to do.  And really, that’s all you can realistically ask for.

While no one is perfect and trust issues come up all the time…what matters is how you two work together and if there is a willingness to work together. It takes 2 to make a thing go right.

If staying in your relationship is your desire, talk to your significant other if you feel trust is an issue. Don’t come at him with what he should be doing to make things feel more comfortable. Always come from the direction of what can WE do to make OUR relationship feel great again.  Hopefully, he’ll accept your offer and the two of you can work on rebuilding trust in your relationship.

I hope you have found much insight here..

Article Written by Candace Harrison aka Shakira Love

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