Rebuilding Trust – Dealing with a Dishonest Man and Trusting Him Again
Do you trust your man? Do you find yourself in a constant battle with yourself in trying to decide if he’s lying or not?
Unfortunately, a lot of women find themselves in relationships with someone they feel they can’t trust. They find themselves always trying to figure out what their man is up to. Things like watching him as he texts, trying to see his caller ID on his cell phone, asking a lot of questions about where he’s been, listening in on his conversations and doing drive by’s to see if he’s really where he suppose to be, all seem to be a daily part of their relationship.
All these things are signs a woman does not trust her man. But is this a way to live? Is this a way to truly be happy with someone?
My answer is a strong NO. Trust is the foundation of all relationships and without it, you have nothing. We as women put up with a lot of things from men. Such as his moody ways, his inconsideration’s, his lack of respect, and his annoying habits at times just to name a few. But to deal with these things on top of having NO TRUST is just plain pushing it to the limit.
In this article we will talk about trust in relationships and how you can rebuild trust in your relationship if you choose.
Trust in Relationships is Freely Given
We automatically give a person trust until they prove they can’t be trusted. All it takes is 1 mess up before we consider someone dishonest and someone we’ll need to keep an eye on. However, we as women can be very forgiving. Even if a man cheats on us, we’ll give him a second chance..we’ll even go as far as putting our trust back in him.
The problem comes when a man that has been forgiven, turns around and does something else that is dishonest in our eyes. This is what makes a woman not trust her man. It’s his continued lies and dishonest ways that gives us a very untrusting heart.
Surely, if you are dealing with a man that continues to be dishonest, you probably feel like he doesn’t take the relationship seriously or maybe he really does not love you. But despite these feelings you stay in the relationship, because you are trying to make it work.
The thing with staying in a relationship, trying to making it work with someone you don’t trust is, you never feel like you can relax. You feel like you have to constantly be checking and following up behind him to see if what he says is true. There is never a moment when he says something and you feel like you don’t have to piece it apart to see if he’s lying. You are confused about what’s a lie and what’s the truth. There’s always some doubt in your head about what he’s saying or doing.
These things makes for a low quality relationship that will only lead to more problems if not dealt with.
What to Do If There’s No Trust in Your Relationship
If you are in a relationship where you feel like you can’t trust your man, you need to ask yourself some questions such as; why are you still with him? Is what your getting out of the relationship worth the fight? How many times have you forgave him only for him to continue to be dishonest? How many years has this been going on?
Then you’ll need to do a reality check and ask yourself; Is he really being dishonest or am I harboring some damage from a past relationship? Am I unable to trust people out of fear of being hurt? Am I insecure about the relationship? Only you can answer these questions and give yourself an honest answer.
Taking a real look and being honest with yourself about what is going on is the first step in trying to find the answers you need. Is it him or is it really you? You must know this to understand why you feel you can’t trust him and know what steps to take to try to rebuild trust again.
Is it Him or Is it You with the Trust Issue
If you think past relationships, insecurity, trust, or even jealousy issues has been a playing a big roll in your lack of trust with your man, then you should discuss this over with him. Let him know what you are challenged with and the reasons for your actions that say you don’t trust him.
Communication is very important and the only way to work things out. Talking things through is the only way he can help you feel better and the two of you can work through it.
If it’s him and you feel whole heartedly that he’s a dishonest man, you’ll also need to talk to him about what going on with you. Communication is always the No. #1 ingredient when trying to work through any relationship problem. If he’s receptive to listening and working with you, that’s a good indicator he’s ready to rebuild trust and have you trust him again.
Rebuilding Trust in Your Relationship
Your man may be asking you for forgiveness and/or you may be wondering if you can really trust him again after feeling so betrayed or deceived. The truth is, you can rebuild trust again. However, You must understand what that means. It means, talking through things with him and preparing yourself to come face to face with the truth behind all those lies he’s been telling you. You’ll need to be able to handle the truth and not get upset and argumentative when he may reveal somethings you been suspecting all along.
Your man will also need to understand since you are willing to rebuild trust again, he will need to be totally honest and come clean about things he hasn’t been truthful about. This is the reason you must be ready to accept truth and not become upset. This will probably be tough to do, but it has to be done to move forward in truth and honesty. A relationship can not heal when it is riddled with lies and mystery.
This is not to say he will need to tell you every detail and give you a play by play of all he’s done. But if you ask all the questions bothering you, he’ll need to give a honest answer to each and vice versa. This way there is nothing lingering in your head or his about anything. You can set your minds free.
He must also be willing to do things differently and let go of things that temps him to do wrong. Things like hanging out with single friends, hanging out where the temptation to do wrong is high, continued contact with an old “fling”, and being secretive are all things that need to change to help you trust him again.
Likewise, if he’s willing to change you must also be willing to do things differently to show you are in fact trusting him. If you are secretly going through his phone, drawers, emails, and other personal things for example that should stop. Then too, you’ll need to come clean about things you’ve been doing. Bringing things out from secrecy and into the light shows you are ready to bring it to an end.
Trust Yourself to Trust Him
Trusting yourself is the first part of beginning to trust him again. When I say this, I mean, trust that you can keep your end of the bargain. If you doubt you can, then internally you’ll believe he can’t either. You can’t trust him, if you can’t trust yourself.
The two of you must work together to rebuild trust and allow healing to begin. This can be in the form of counseling, studying a self help book together, spending more quality time together, talking more, and communicating more. You two will really need to work on trust like it’s a business your trying to build from the ground up to be successful. This will NOT work itself out. It must be worked on by the two people involved daily. Neither can it be one sided or it will NEVER work.
No one is perfect and even you make mistakes or may cause someone heartache, so understanding he’s not perfect should be taken into consideration when trying to rebuild trust. Do not hold the past against him as you don’t want your past held against you. Move forward in a new direction where the both of you can feel a sense of renewal and change. This is the true meaning of forgiveness.
The bottom line. It takes 2 to make this work.
Trust is very important to any relationship. Without trust, there really isn’t a relationship. However, even if you feel you have been betrayed and deceived, there is still hope of rebuilding trust if that’s what the two of you want.
Rebuilding trust in a relationship takes time and it may not be easy. So don’t expect it to be. Once trust is lost, regaining it is a process in it self. You’ll need to take it day by day.
Don’t expect him to promise you not to betray/lie/deceive you again, only that he will give it his all in trying to rebuild a relationship built on trust. No one can really promise you anything but that realistically.
Article by Candace Harrison
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I hope you have discovered how you can rebuild trust in your relationship again.